are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The uberlube is also flammable
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
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