glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
