Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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