Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Randomize
