No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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