grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
