Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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