I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
