God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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