you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
