That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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