I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
this must be what syphilis tastes like
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
