would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
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I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
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apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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