I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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