my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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