if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
we should paint friendship bongs
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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