haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
