i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
