something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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