Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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