Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
