The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
