im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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