This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
