So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
