things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Drunk is not a location!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
