i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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