Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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