There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
