i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
