we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
