ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
