I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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