They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
