I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
