Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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