My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
