Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
