i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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