I want to have your abortion
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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