i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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