theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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