She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize