so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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