how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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