Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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