She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
