Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
