OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
