so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think a kid would responsible me up
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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