I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
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I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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