Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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