I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
