I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
