well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
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I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
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Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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