I cannot find my penis.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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