You just made me feel so damn special
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
