jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize