Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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