I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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