Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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