I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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