I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
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got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
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I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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