You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
