Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
