I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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