As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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