you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
